The Seagull Incident

[Kara and Adam]

My dear friend Adam was my very first magazine photo editor.  He left the photo industry for the much sexier entertainment industry a few years ago.  He’s doing quite well for himself out west where he’s found good work, good friends and his beautiful girlfriend, Kara.  When I went out to LA for a shoot back in May I met up with him, Kara and a few of their friends at a beergarden on Venice Beach.  We were all having a good time and enjoying our brewskies on the patio.

Now, beaches come with hazards.  Like the immortal Jimmy Buffet once noted, it is possible to both blow out your flip flop and then step on a pop top (or any number of other sharp objects since pop tops don’t really exist anymore) and of course there is a distinct possibility that you will be harassed by the biggest assholes on the beach, seagulls.  On a separate occasion from this one, my boyfriend and I went to Zuma beach and grabbed some taquitos at the food stand to enjoy while we sunned ourselves.  We ate a few and left one for later.  As we soaked up the rays, a seagull swooped in, grabbed the remaining taquito and flew a few feet away.  I looked up in time to see him take the entire thing down his gullet like a sword swallower.  Asshole bird.

Back to the beergarden.  We were all sitting around, chatting and drinking, oblivious to the blitzkrieg that was about to wreak havoc on our lovely afternoon.  From perfectly clear blue skies, a noxious mess of white liquid rained upon our table, hitting drinks and people.  I took a hit to the back of my head.  My beer was thankfully unaffected but Kara’s beer was not.  Her reaction for the next five minutes made me forget about the damage that I took.  When we all realized that we’d just taken a direct hit from the Venice Beach Luftwaffe, she started gagging.

[A disturbing realization]

And she couldn’t stop.  I brought up my camera to bear witness to what I thought would be the inevitable projectile vomit.  She screamed and gagged for 5 minutes straight.  We started laughing.  She couldn’t stop gagging and it got funnier.

[The Horror]

She eventually calmed down and we eventually got new beers.  The end.